Water surged around me. It came up my nose due to the frantic swimming to the bottom of the lake. In the lake you will find what you need most, paying the price in order to get it is another matter. Lance was injured beyond repair from the glowing sword used by contestant number four. A slash that’s all it took to slowly start paralysing the victim, the wound wasn’t even that deep. There must have been a poison downloaded into the sword making it glow. It wasn’t a poison that any of us knew; one tiny nick of the sword meant death.
Bubbles of air escaped my mouth as I swam deeper and deeper into the lake. Out of nowhere a feeling of dread settled in my stomach. First, it was easy to ignore, but as I swam deeper into the darkness it the feeling grew louder and louder until it was almost screaming at me to get away. There was a burning in my neck, as if eyes were watching me. I hastily glanced around but didn’t see anything. ‘The air in my lungs are running out soon’, I thought as I saw the faint glow of the chest I have been seeking for.
Good:
ReplyDeleteThe opening hooks the reader.
Range of punctuation.
Sentence variety
Targets:
Control of tenses and accuracy in using them
Collocations - 'download' to a sword? / injured beyond repair? (Unless you are trying to suggest that the sword is virtual and Lance is not human? If this is the case, needs to be a bit clearer perhaps....)
Engaging writing! :)